Today, I give up. Tomorrow, I will start again, but today I give up. 

Infertility has taught me that. There are times that this battle is so heavy, you just have to put it down for a day, a month, a year. Then when the time is right, and your strength has returned, and you find your mojo, you can fight again. 

Today has been a terrible day. My doctor’s appointment went well, but this time of my life has been so stressful. And today, we received an eviction notice from our landlord. 

We dropped our money order for rent off on the day it was due, and it has not been cashed, so we don’t know what happened. I’ve never received such a horrible letter before, and I totally panicked. The office is closed, so we’re going over there tomorrow to show them the receipt for the money order and see if they will work with us. 

I’m just sick with worry. I’m pretty sure everything is going to work out, but I am so stressed about money with this surgery. We are stretched to the max right now. I’m $200 from having what I need for my surgery if nothing else happens, because we had to put two new tires on one of our cars last week. Now this. No telling how much this will cost us in fees to add to our financial stress. 

I know I need to chill out. 

So I quit. I’m done. Finito. 

Tomorrow, I’ll stand back up to fight again. I’ll position my feet in an offensive stance, and I’ll march. 

But tonight, I give up. I retreat. And I’m going to ask God to take the battle from me. This is really his plan, not mine. He is the author and finisher of my story. 

I stand back and release my white knuckles of control. I’m screwing everything up anyway with my negativity and panic. 

What he has started, he will finish. 

Not my will, but God’s be done. On earth as it is in heaven. 

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