April 10, 2018

I’m on ZekeWatch tonight after he ate 3 Cadbury Creme Eggs. He was really quiet, which should have been my first clue that Zeke was up to no good. Doorway Man had them by his chair, apparently, and Zeke decided that the Easter Bunny had smiled on his fuzzy face. We found only some colored foil on the carpet I called the animal ER, and luckily, they were able to give me info on what to watch for.

So, if you read this, send a little prayer out for Zeke tonight!

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April 7, 2018

Zeke and I partied at 2am this morning. It was totally his idea. In fact, I may have yelled at him at one point and hurt his feelings. I don’t make it a regular practice to verbally abuse my puppy, but sometimes, I am not a good person. And I’m okay with that. It could be worse.

Zeke has a hard time when his people are not all here, and Doorway Man has been in New Orleans for WrestleMania. I’d kind of like to visit New Orleans someday, but I’d rather pluck my eyeballs out with a rusty fork and pour lemon juice in the empty sockets than to watch any kind of wrestling in any venue. So I stayed home.

We’ve had a really good time. We’ve been watching a marathon of old Trading Spaces episodes on TLC. I used to watch this show all the time in college. Now that I have my own home, I watch in horror and hate almost everything they do. And it’s not just because of the decades of home design fashion changes (that’s actually quite fun!), it’s because almost everything they do is horrible and upsetting and looks like garbage.

I have decided I’m going to try to recover my 90s retro inherited couches, though. I think this show got to me! I spent the morning looking for fabric to DIY my couches.

Unfortunately, I don’t finish projects very well, and I feel like it’s risky to tear up your couches and never finish them. So I have an enormous amount of fabric saved in a cart on a discount fabric website that I’m hoping I quit the project before I put my paypal info in to pay for it.

Zeke and I have had a good time the last few days. He perks up when he hears a car door and watches the door for his Daddy. Dogs really are such pure souls. He loves his people so much. We really are the center of his whole world. I think it’s easy as pet owners to lose sight of that and not appreciate it. It’s really hard to remember at 2am, but it’s really easy when you’re snuggling under a blanket in a cold front watching a terrible home design show from the 90s.

April 6, 2018

Puppy blog:

Sometimes humans are so… human. I love my parents, but sometimes I just don’t know how they stay alive without a dog to help them.

For several days, the bedroom tv remote has been “missing”. Before Daddy left town, they both looked for it. They pulled all the covers and pillows off the bed, over and over, they shook things and moved things. They looked and looked, and I watched.

Last night, Mommie did it again. I mean, she really looked! It was sad, really. I felt sorry for her. She was really frustrated.

So this morning, I got it for her and left it on top of our blanket where she could find it.

I think I’m a good boy, but she keeps looking at me weird.

I guess I found a new place to hide stuff! Excellent!

March 22, 2018

I really pushed too hard today. I got to 45 minutes on the arc trainer, and came scary close to passing out. I knew I had overdone it the second I stepped onto the spinning floor under the machine. I’m so tired, too. This is hard work. Hopefully, very soon, I’ll get to my 60 minute goal. I’m thinking by the end of this month is reasonable. We’ll see!

March 21, 2018

So, I worked out my arms today for the second time. When I’m not wearing my arm spanx (yes, that’s a thing. It’s basically tiny pantyhose for your arms.) my arm skin is pretty bad. It seems to be the only part I can’t hide all the time. It’s gonna be an adventure this summer wearing compression garments and short sleeves in the Texas heat. Anyway, I worked out my arms. It su-u-uked! I’m really not strong. It’s really sad. And tonight, I feel like my arms need to be amputated and I’m gonna have to learn to eat with my feet.

I’m starting to almost enjoy cardio, though. I got up to 38 minutes on the elliptical this morning. I’m really cruising.

I’m also figuring out how much liquid I need with the additional sweating. Getting enough fluids is very challenging after weight loss surgery. They tell you that when you go through all the classes before surgery, but you can’t fully grasp the magnitude of it. Since my stomach only holds about 6 ounces, I have to drink some, then wait 10-15 minutes to drink 6 ounces more. It’s kind of a drag. If I’ve stretched my pouch, it’s been trying to drink water that has done it. I don’t think I have. I remember my stomach is small when I eat, but drinking water is so basic, that there have been several times I’ve forgotten to count my sips (yes, I have to count!) and ended up really sorry for my sins. I’ve only done it a handful of times in almost nine months, but it’s a really terrible thing to forget. I’m feeling somewhat dehydrated today, so I’m trying really hard to increase my water intake. It’s tough and a constant effort.

I feel like my body is changing, and I’m happy about it. I’ve not been strong in a long time, and I’m looking forward to being strong again. It’s hard to describe the transition my body has made from where I was a few years ago.

March 17, 2018

I’ve pretty much stopped losing from the surgery, which is expected at some point about now. I’ll be nine months out in the next few weeks, and I’m 8 pounds from the 70% of weight loss goal. Everything I read says that is about when you are on your own.

Weight lost: 147 pounds.

BMI Has gone from 58 to 36.

Clothing size 28-30 and 5X to 14-16 and XL

Good times! If I don’t lose any more, I’m not disappointed. I’m able to be active and wear cute clothes. I’m very average sized. My curves are cute. I don’t mind getting my picture taken.

But I don’t think I’m done yet. So I joined a gym to start the next phase of this process. I’m not ready to stop this process. And I think it will make good blogging and inspire me to write.

I feel like I know nothing, so it will probably be entertaining. I also mostly hate it, so I can see myself getting pretty snarky about it.

So far…

* I joined the gym on March 6th, and I’ve only missed 2 days.

* I’m pretty much useless after I work out, so I do it first thing in the day. Seems reasonable.

* I’m sore all the time. I feel like I traded one kind of pain (from being overweight) to another kind of pain. I do admit that I prefer the post workout pain.

* I feel pretty dumb. I don’t really know how to use anything but the cardio equipment. A few days ago, I was going to branch out and use what I think was an arm machine, only because my legs don’t go up that high. It was some kind of pulley thing with the plates that you can decide how many you need. I decided that one plate (10 pounds) seemed a little wimpy for someone who used to carry around almost 400 pounds of human flesh, so I decided 2 plates was embarrassing but respectable to start with for each arm. I pulled the thing down twice and it almost popped me in the face, so I quit.

* I decided after research that the elliptical or arc trainer was the holy grail of cardio, and that I needed to do an hour so I could burn like 500 calories. The first day, I was able to do 5ish minutes. I stepped off of the thing sweating and shaking and with spaghetti legs. I’ve built up a few minutes a day, and today I did 25 minutes.

* I attempted to ride the exercise bikes, but my tailbone hates both the recumbent and regular stationary bike, so we’re not gonna do that.

* I’ve always been afraid of the treadmill. I’ve always felt like my life was in danger on a treadmill. I never knew if I just couldn’t walk in a straight line, or if my feet were on backwards or what. In my treadmill related nightmares, there’s blood and chipped teeth, flipping and screaming, and a finish of being sucked under the machine and dismemberment. I learned something, though, when I decided to try it again. Now that I don’t have so much fat in my inner thighs, my gate is narrow enough to not have any problem staying on the belt. It’s a whole new game! I do hold on to the rail thing every step and to avoid the hideous accidental death I described above, and I’m not sure I’ll ever run unless I’m being chased. But I have a mutually respectful, borderline, but not overly fearful relationship with treadmills. I may never jump from a plane or climb a ladder, but I can do the treadmill.

So, that’s the skinny on this fat girl’s journey to healthy.

January 20, 2018

I’m more than half way through my weight loss journey, and I’ve been carefully asked by a few people about skin. When you lose 100 pounds in 6 months, there’s really no way around it. It’s an issue. I’ve been overweight a long time. I fully expected it, but didn’t know how I would feel about it. And the truth is, it bothers me. But so far, it doesn’t bother me as much as being big.

1. I can wear cute clothes.

2. Compression garments are not that bad. (I don’t get hot in them like I expected to. However, I haven’t done it in a Texas summer. I reserve the right to complain about that later.)

The area that bothers me the most is my upper arms. I have been using dumbbells the last few weeks to try to help them.

Side note: I bought a set of dumbbells from Walmart that came with 3 sizes, 5 pounds, 3 pounds, and 2 pounds. When I ordered them I thought that I was probably making a mistake not getting the ones that had the heavier weights. NOPE!!! Fun fact. I use the 2 pound weights and wonder if there is a 1 pound weight I should buy while I’m using them. Weak. Lol!

But overall, I’m trying to do everything I can to avoid skin surgery, but I’m accepting that I probably will need full lower skin surgery and a breast reduction when this is all over. And if that time comes, I will be okay with it.

I’m proud of what my body is doing. It has energy and less pain and is getting stronger every day. My body is healing and beginning to give me a better life. I am very proud of my body.

I think I’m beginning to forgive it for betraying me and not giving me a baby. I’m beginning to see that God really wanted to fix something that was taking far more than parenthood from me, but was robbing me of my life. Like a good Father, he knew I needed this more than a baby. He loved me enough to break my heart so he could save my life.

January 18, 2018

Someone posted the picture on the left from a birthday party I attended in January of 2017. 130 pounds lost.

The dress I was wearing was a 4x which is like a size 26 or 28. I’m currently in a size 16.

I’ve hit a major plateau lately, not really seeing much activity on the scales. I have been having a rough time in life lately, having lost my job in November. Also, it’s common to have weight loss slow down at the 6 month point. I’m trying not to worry too much.

I didn’t like my job, but I wish I could have left on my own terms. It’s scary to not have insurance coverage after a gastric bypass. Terrifying, if I’m being honest. I had to cancel my 6 month follow up with my surgeon and the corresponding blood work.

I have struggled taking vitamins due to nausea for as long as I can remember, long before my surgery. I’ve recently abandoned the bariatric vitamins for regular people vitamins in hopes that something is better than nothing. We’ll see how that goes.

I’ve been working on a big writing project that is taking up a lot of my writing mojo, so I’ve really neglected this blog.

Zeke is doing great! He’s really growing up now that he’s officially a grownup pup. He’ll always be my baby, but he’s much better behaved now. Kind of sad, but good at the same time.

November 8, 2018

Not my best picture. Lying down, no makeup, hair a mess, but my baby loving me.

I’ve been meaning to update a few things.

1.) I reached 100 pounds weight loss last week! I’m still losing 3-5 pounds a week most weeks.

2.) On Sunday, Zeke will have been my baby for a whole year! This makes me very emotional, because he’s been exactly what I needed this past year. I love him so much.

October 19, 2017

First picture February 27, 2017.

Second picture October 19, 2017.

94 pounds.

This is the first side by side picture that hasn’t made me cry in disappointment. I looked at previous pictures, and I couldn’t tell a real difference. It was heartbreaking. This time, I’m fighting off the tears today, because I’m starting to feel like it’s making a real difference.

It’s weird what has happened in my brain in this process. It’s like a weird kind of self defeating denial.

I weigh myself, and I don’t believe the numbers are really changing.

I put on my clothes, and my first thought is that they got stretched out in the wash.

I try on clothes at the store, and I think they are missized.

People complement me, and I think they are being overly generous, if not lying to me.

I have to talk myself into believing that I’m having success. That this is going to work. That I’m not failing. That it’s okay to celebrate the victories. That I’m not going to jinx it by acknowledging what’s happening.

94 pounds is significant, because today I weigh 300 pounds even. I started this journey at 394 pounds. Next time I weigh, I will likely be in the 200s. I hope to get down to 180 as a goal, but that still feels so far away.